I Am Not a Business Person

Image by Rolando Morales Photography

I am not a business person.

And I can’t hustle anymore.

I am a spiritual teacher and I am here to give what I can.

I am in God’s hands. And I surrender to that care and support.

Last week, in a clarifying encounter with my inner truth, my identity as a business person dissolved.

It was never true.  I took that identity on because 1) it was important to me to live in my zone of genius and 2) because I believed, as a result of my family and societal conditioning, that I should be successful. 

Within those two constraints, the only way forward seemed to be to master marketing and sales…and money-making skills in general. 

And I did.

I studied marketing and sales like my life depended on it. I implemented what I learned and my business grew. As I grew my business, my clients began asking me to teach them what I was doing.

And so, I created programs to show them and somehow, in the process, I identified as a business person instead of someone who simply wants people to live their genius.

Money is power (or often perceived that way) . So there are benefits to the identity of successful business person. Most people give more respect and admiration to those who have figured out how to thrive financially in this world. 

I enjoyed that identity. I enjoyed the freedom to travel when I wanted, to take courses I was interested in and to socialize with other businessy, creative people.

But, as you may already know, in 2014 my world began to come crashing down when I had my first  Human Design reading. (Human Design is a system based on your birthdate that provides a map of your consciousness. Click here to learn more.)

I realized that even though I had all that I wanted, I hadn’t been turned on sexually in YEARS.  I mostly just wanted to lie on the couch and I was often frustrated with the hustle that was required of me in my business.

Human Design gave me a new lens to look at my life and showed me that I wasn’t successful. 

I was a dissatisfied Generator, which meant I was actually failing at the one thing that mattered, using my sacral life-force well.

It was a huge wake-up call, not in the sense of an epiphany but in the tangible sense of my sacral energy WOKE-UP and started to direct herself toward what mattered in a grand re-organization.  

So many things fell away, including my business as I knew it.  Very little survived that encounter with the truth of what I had and didn’t have energy for.

And now, 4 years later, I have had a significant realization (for me anyways, maybe you’ve known it all along?)

I realize that I never was a business person.  I hustled enough at the beginning to set things up and then was fortunate to align with some powerful business people like Justin Livingston & Callan Rush and one other business partner who consistently channeled people into my work, so that I could share my magic.  They did the marketing. They did the sales. 

Since these collaborations have dissolved, I have been struggling financially.  It has been years.  And it’s quite a contrast.  I have greatly simplified my expenses, which is a huge relief. But in general, I’ve been averaging about $1000 a month, which is barely scraping by to meet my needs and living a very limited lifestyle.

And, over the past three years despite my limited finances, I have been investing to re-learn how to do business in a new model from mentors like Tad Hargrave, George Kao, Natalie Kent and Sarah K Jones.  I am constantly climbing in and out of credit-card debt.

Before, I made money through public-speaking and live events. Since moving to Mexico, I figured that I needed to learn how to run an on-line business.   And how to do so with integrity.  Those people are people who I admire in that regard.

It has been hard to adjust to earning so little. It has been taxing on my nervous system. I have worried a lot about how I will be ok. 

Part of the struggle has been to accept the reality that despite all of my talent, education, genuine desire to serve, investments AND applied efforts to share my work, I am still SO BROKE.

And now, for the past weeks, it is a huge relief to let go of being a business person.  To let go of hope that I can do this. To let go.

It releases my expectation that I should be able to generate interest in my work, market, sell and provide for my needs on my own.

In my night of truth, I was shown a number of things.

1) God showed me the beauty of the archetypal beggar.

It has long been my fear that I would end up a bag-lady.

I saw the beggar, on the floor (close to the ground and reality), humbly looking upward, aware of their fragility and inability to meet their needs, surrendered and in the hands of Gods.

I don’t imagine you will understand the beauty of this like I do now.  We are taught in our society that this is the worst nightmare.  We are taught to see the beggar as disempowered and pathetic, instead of humble, connected to human fragility and close to God. 

I felt very close to God that night as my identity as someone who can provide for herself was stripped away.  

I have not had a single breath of oxygen that was provided by me, Karen.  I have lived all of the days of my life with the water and food I needed, through grace and grace alone.  I am and always have been held in God’s hands.  It is not for me to concern myself with how and what I receive, but rather, how and what I give. 

What I give is in my file folder of responsibility. What I receive is in God’s.

2) My shoulders might be able to relax now.  For the first time in FOREVER, my shoulders showed me the possibility of softening.  I have always wondered how I might be able to release the chronic tension in my shoulders.  I felt an immediate release as I experienced the tenderness of myself as one of God’s creatures, a human with needs.

I see that my shoulders have been in fight mode…fighting for my survival, fighting to fend for my well-being in a world that wasn’t dishing it up readily. And within the context of real, true trust that my needs are being met by a force greater than me, I can actually relax and soften.

3) I can stop pretending that interacting with me will be good for anyone’s financial well-being.

There is another relief of this dissolution of Karen-as-business-woman. That I no longer feel an underlying pressure to pretend that interacting with me as a coach/mentor will be good for anyone’s bank account.  I can’t guarantee I will help anyone make more money.  

What I can confidently say is that I can help people to align with themselves, their spirit/soul and their dharma.  I help people align with a fulfilling life in all realms of love, sex and genius.

One of my current clients recently said to me that this has been one of her worst years financially in a long time.  She followed that by saying “This has been the happiest year of my life.”

 If what you want is to serve the world, sharing your gifts, then I can definitely help with that.

I believe that everyone’s life path (dharma) depends greatly on who they are and the circumstances that will best develop the traits that God/universe/divine will wishes to extract from you, for the optimal fulfillment of your role.

In the case of Gautam Buddha, aligning with his truth and dharma meant leaving behind his riches as a prince.  Truth wasn’t good for his bank account, but it was good for the service of humanity.

In my case, I grew up with a lot of financial support and privilege. I have known wealth and what it feels like to always have my needs met.  It wasn’t until I left the nest that I encountered the reality of needing to fend for my own needs.  

But I believe that this privileged background has made it easier for me to leave material comforts aside in favour of truth-seeking, because I have the back-up of an abundant history behind me.  I think that this makes it easier for me to trust and live this story-line.  

For others, like my Mom, who grew up in poverty, living in abundance was something that was a part of her dharma and her truth.

4) It is a relief to be transparent about my financial reality, especially with my business friends and clients.  I no longer feel pressure to pretend that I am playing the same game as those who are seeking success or aiming to get to the next level. I am not successful by any of the traditional markers.  I am broke and have been for years.  I don’t have any likely plans to become hugely profitable or to expand my reach.

Many days I teach yoga for $15 a class (yes, that’s how much I make for a low attendance class…give your yoga teacher some L-O-V-E). And even though I am broke, on the whole, I am much more satisfied than when I was earning $15,000 a month.

Please don’t get me wrong. I am happy to receive and I am not opposed to abundantly enjoying the good of life. It could be lovely if more abundance came my way as an outgrowth of my alignment and service in life, but if not, I will continue serving anyways.

5) I am being asked to let go of the energetic drain of hustling.

Finally, my inner truth showed me that I have been spending FAR too much energy on considering how to price, package and promote my work than actually DOING the work and serving people with my gifts.  It showed me to simply focus on giving and providing my magic in the world to whoever shows up and not to place my focus on promotion.  Taking my energy back from promotion feels like a big energetic savings.  Also, I am letting go of my attachment to the successful outreach of my projects.

3 Ways I am implementing these realizations so far:

1) Appreciating Business People and Asking for Help

Overnight I gained a much deeper appreciation for the people in my life who have well-established, thriving businesses.  From a Human Design perspective I have seen experientially, that those with channel 37-40 and more generally, anyone with a defined Ego/Will centre are naturally suited towards thriving in our capitalistic society and business especially when it comes to creating good deals that people will find attractive, making profitable trades and dealing with everyday realities of having a business.

I went to one of the local businesses here in Troncones that is run by a friend of mine (who has a defined ego/will) and asked for a job doing Human Design readings. I make only a percentage of what I would make selling them myself, but I actually get clients booked now, because they are giving me a forum to share my magic. I have done 10 readings in the past month solely through them.

Approaching him was really hard for me.  It took embodying the beggar and acknowledging my human fragility and needs to be able to ask for and accept his help.

Similarly, I was able to approach several others of my successful business friends and ask for their help in supporting me to do my magic.

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you (and another million thank you’s).

2) I have shifted my expectations and the format of the Flow Catalyst program to be a weekly gathering that is completely by donation with no minimum contribution. I have released the expectation that this offering will meet my needs, so that I am not attached to a certain result. Instead, I am focusing on showing up each Sunday to be present with and create magic with those who show up.  

I am really enjoying this weekly gathering way more now that I am not expecting it to provide for my needs.  You are welcome to join us whenever you want some support to access your truth.  Check it out here: https://lovesexgenius.com/the-flow-catalyst/

3) Most importantly, I have re-doubled my commitment and obedience to connecting with a deeper truth (aka. God) and following the guidance I receive.

Personally I love the word God.  To me, it means consciousness, truth, all-that-is, that which weaves all into one.  But I recognize that this word has a lot of weight and meaning for many.  So please substitute the word according to your beliefs.  I have NOT gone fanatically religious!

But I have deepened my connection to God.  Every morning, I have been waking up and spending one or two of the wee hours of the morning, before dawn, sitting in stillness and communing with God-presence.  I am doing this not because I’m embracing some kind of disciplined  spiritual practice.  It’s just happening because that is what I want to do. That is when I’m waking up. That is how I want to spend my morning. I am called. 

And I have been receiving so much light, so much truth, so many words and insights. I have written pages and pages, they are pouring through me. (book forthcoming?)  

I am in flow. I am in flow with God…thick with consciousness.  It is so beautiful.

My teacher…

Rolando (my sweetheart) has been a perfect teacher for me all along.  He never worries about money, even if he doesn’t have any. He always trusts the flow and that his needs will be provided for and they always are. 

He used to be a hustler. He is gifted with sales.  But he made a decision years ago that he didn’t want to live that way anymore. And he doesn’t.  

He lives in the present moment and feels deserving to receive what he needs. It is beautiful to witness. 

It’s so paradoxical.  I find that I am many times looking at small things in my life and feeling joyous gratitude, the sweet water in my ‘garafon’ (jug of fresh water in Mexico), the air on my skin, sounds of the waves.

Right now, I feel rich. 

I help Type A Hippies to get into flow