In 2011 my car and all of my most important possessions were destroyed.
Hours earlier I had been in Kelowna, BC delivering a snazzy and forced free workshop to 3 souls (sorry!) You know the type of presentation. It was called The 3 Mistakes that Keep Professional Women Dull, Drained and Disconnected…ie. I am doing this presentation just so that I can position my offering of my much more expensive 3-day Workshop and use my charisma to influence you. (Insert barf noise)
I had done that presentation SO MANY TIMES by that point in my business.
I felt dull, drained, disconnected, discouraged and in the dumps after that presentation. I didn’t have the courage to admit it to myself then, but the format that I had learned from my business mentors (and HEAVILY invested in mastering) was no longer authentic for me.
Actually, it was a template that never felt authentic to me. It was always a challenge for me to do.
And there I was sitting in the passenger seat of my Toyota Echo while my boyfriend drove us to Victoria when WHAM!
All of sudden we were flying through the air at 120 km/hour in several somersaults and into a ditch.
With each crash of the car, things went flying onto the highway. My printer, my computer, my clothing, my workshop supplies, really…everything I owned of importance at the time was packed in.
My car looked like a crumpled origami paper. Fortunately, we all survived without any life-altering injuries.
We had been hit and driven off the road by a slightly drunk driver who was in a rush to get to Vancouver.
In the ambulance, I was in a stretcher, my boyfriend beside me and the dude who had hit us was in the front seat. I can remember saying to him “This is a wake up call for you.”
Looking back, I see that it was an early and missed wake-up call for ME. What I was doing and how I was doing it was not aligned with my essence, my genius or the call of Life. But I was unable to see it and unable to admit it to myself.
Why? Because following a template and the guidance of someone else was so much easier than following the unknown map of listening to myself. I was afraid of the wilderness of knowing myself. I was afraid of what it would require of me. It was easier to deny and avoid. So I denied and I avoided.
Eventually, my business as I knew it crumbled anyways…it was inevitable. It was a house of cards. The truths that we avoid seeing are more persistent than we are.
The Truth that you are avoiding, she is a hunter. She is tracking you and will eventually hunt and kill the small and scared version of yourself that was running from her to begin with.
It there were a template, it might be called ‘listening’, ‘surrender’ or ‘flow’.
I don’t know what I am doing or where I am going…except for what I do know.
I do know my next few steps. I do receive guidance about what lies directly ahead of me. I do receive glimpses of the big picture and where it all leads me.
But there are no mentors out there who have MY key or MY template or MY map to make it happen.
Because I am excavating my own template. And it is not coming from my mind, or anything I learned from someone else. It is arising through my body’s knowing. It is coming to me in meditation. It is brought to my awareness through what Life is placing before me.
It is emerging.
There is nothing in the caterpillar that tells you it's going to be a butterfly.
The mentors you seek can easily lead you astray.
In June I consulted a writing mentor who helped a friend publish her book. I showed her the really cool and in-depth descriptions that I had already written about the 6 Flow Archetypes (if you haven’t checked that out yet, here’s the link to discover your Flow Archetype).
“Oh,” she said, dismissively. “That’s not a book. Those are like handouts that you would give at a workshop.”
After that, I made several attempts to continue my book along the lines of the template that she had shared with me. My writing wasn’t inspired. It was forced. Eventually, I surrendered the project.
It wasn’t until 4 months of writer’s block later that I was luxuriating in bed and tripping out on that state between awake and asleep, that a voice in my head said: “Your book is already written.”
I received the transmission of awareness that those descriptions I had written were, in fact, my book and that there were just a few other pieces that I needed to bring together around those that would make my book complete.
My book isn’t like that mentor’s books. It’s a short book. It doesn’t have the extra cushioning and it’s not supposed to.
My mistake was in seeking someone else’s template rather than inquiring into my own.
“I am alone.
It is dark.
The only light is the light of my own awareness. My only support, my own staff.
This is how I navigate my path to ‘success’. I light my own way.”
This is how my friend Meaghan Alton explained to me my numerology archetype, the 9 or the “Hermit” from Tarot, in a recent meeting with her.
Meaghan is an intuitive business growth strategist who uses numerology to help clients to choose business structures that are aligned with their nature.
Her description of my archetype vs. the other archetypes was SO POWERFUL, it blew me away. I was really resonating so hard (hahaha, I can’t believe I just said that) with what she was saying.
Here’s the link to check her out AND, on a side note, I plan to host a call with her soon so that she can share more about it…stay tuned on my mailing list for more about that.
She described how for my archetype, the only thing I really have, is my own light. I am not meant to follow other’s guidance or be overly influenced by any one person. The moment I lose contact with my own inner guidance, I am alone and in the dark.
I am always moving into the unknown. The unknown is my home, my milieu. It is my territory.
I believe that we are living in a time when we are being called to excavate new templates.
New templates for how to live, how to interact, how to do business….new templates for just about everything. The templates that we learned from someone else don’t work anymore.
All of the above has been made abundantly clear to me by my client interactions this week.
ALL of my clients are forging into territory that is completely unknown to them. They are all facing fear. They are all finding a way to do their thing, their way.
None of them know exactly what is emerging or when it will happen.
It is a very vulnerable, tender space.
Have you ever tried walking blindfolded? It’s like that. For me, being blindfolded makes me feel very, very small and vulnerable.
Here is the best part.
The discoveries that emerge in that tender, vulnerable unknown are the most magical. The most precious.
They are like baby stars that you cradle in your hand…so bright, so pure and luminous. They are the merging of the void of pure potential with the ink of creation. They dance on the line between what is not yet and what is. They are potential in it’s first form.
The coaching calls that I have facilitated this week bore that mark. We brought new stars into light. Each their own solar system which will eventually establish their own gravity and weight.
For now, they are to be held nearly and dearly by their stewardesses.
This is what I do.
I guide beautiful, tender-hearted, brilliant minds to come back to themselves and excavate their own templates for how to live the next chapter of their lives.
Right now, I am seeking to connect with 1 person who is ready for this kind of transformative work with me through 1-1 coaching.
If that is you, please read through this page about 1-1 Transformation and book a time for us to chat.
May you live the courage to follow your own trail and see where it leads.
May we all excavate the new templates for living that are so needed and necessary right now.
May we be uncomfortable in the unknown and step into the darkness anyways.
Much love,
Be a Light Unto Yourself.
I help Type A Hippies to get into flow in all three realms of Love, Sex and Genius.
2) Book an Intimate 1-1 Human Design Reading. Learning about your human design chart will help you make empowered daily choices about how to use your time, money and energy…opening up much more flow and ease. Click here to read about it and book.
3) I lead an intimate mentorship circle called the Flow Catalyst, for Type A Hippies who want to master the flow in the realms of Love, Sex and Genius. We meet weekly. It’s a really special, high-touch group. You get to decide the investment. To read about it and apply go here.
4) I offer one-on-one transformation sessions. To transmute a current challenge into a flowing new possibility you can book a one-off session here. Or, if you need more on-going support to step into a new chapter, book a time for us to chat here.
