I’ve been feeling quite blessed and grateful these days to have filled my 4 intimate 1-1 Coaching spots.
For me, there’s always doubt when it comes to marketing and sales on-line, which is still a realm within which I feel like a baby. Or maybe a toddler.
‘Will this work?’ “Will anyone want this?”
I’d put a lot of energy into writing my invitation page for my intimate 1-1 coaching. The document that I wrote before I transformed it into a webpage was 27 pages long.
I was following the guidance of my marketing coach Tad Hargrave, who sees marketing as a filtering process.
For him, marketing is actually a method of helping yourself and your potential clients to discern if it’s going to be a good fit for you to be working together.
Everything in this mindset is about being as honest and clear as possible, to Dispell any false notions about who you are, what you are offering and how it will benefit your client or not.
It’s about helping people to realize that they’re NOT right for working with you, and saving them from wasting their time, energy and money doing some BS with you that doesn’t really serve them.
And, at the same time saving yourself from the absolute pain-in-the-a** of trying to be useful to someone who is not a good fit, ending up being trapped and filled with pretense as you try to become useful to that person but quietly hating it and then not getting much in the way of results anyway.
27 pages is a lot to read. I was asking my prospective clients to read a treatise in order to work with me.
“Would anyone care? Would anyone read it?” I doubted.
And reading the treatise wasn’t the end of what I was asking them to do. After reading that, there were two more hoops to jump through to work with me.
One was an interview conversation, where they had to submit an application answering a series of questions.
After I read through their answers, we’d chat. The conversation was zero-agenda on my behalf. I wasn’t trying to sell them on the coaching, but rather to help us both discern if we would like working together or not.
During the conversation, I was noticing how I felt, and particularly whether or not I felt that I had the energy and interest to help this person…or if I sensed that it would be a high-maintenance, pain-in-the-butt experience.
After that, if we were both a go, from there they needed to read and sign a “Terms of Engagement” form, which I emphasized in the conversation as not just some rote formality, but something that is deeply important to me that they read and carefully consider prior to committing to our work together.
(Here’s the link to my current terms of engagement page so you can get a feel for it: http://www.lovesexgenius.com/tfc-terms )
I avoided putting my new Intimate 1-1 Coaching package out into the world for several weeks out of fear that I might not receive any interest at all…and be left with that vulnerable feeling of rejection, uselessness, and non-importance.
But then, as almost always happens, my creative impulse and life-force to share won out, and I put that shit out there in the world to let life decide!
Well…it turns out, yes. There are some people out there who resonate with me and what I have to say.
It didn’t happen overnight, but over the course of 2 months, all 4 of my 1-1 slots filled with amazing women from all over the world: the eastern states, California, Scandinavia, and Australia.
(I love you so much internet)!
Working with them has been so richly rewarding, so fulfilling and so much fucking fun. There’s no better way to say it.
And then, I realized something about them….
Statistically, they are all freaks!
Let me explain. You may know that I’m into the Human Design system. In Human Design there are 4 Types, determined by the date, time and location of your birth, that are divided as follows:
1. The Generator – 70% of the population
2. The Projector – 20% of the population
3. The Manifestor – 9% of the population
4. The Reflector – 1% of the population
The way that I think of this is that 7 out of 10 people that you meet today are one type: The Generator.
We live in a Generator world. Generators are all about Eat, Sleep, Work, Play, Mate, REPEAT. They have a lot of energy. Working and Reproducing are what they are built for.
Look at our world. Working and raising families is the MO of most people out there. Generators have the energy to spend all day working, come home, play with their kids, raise their kids, work-out, make-love and do it all again tomorrow, the next day and for the weeks, months and years to come.
And then, there are the freaks.
Of my 4 clients, precisely Zero of them are Generators. There are 2 Projectors, 1 Manifestor and 1 Reflector.
I call them freaks because when I meet a Projector, Manifestor or a Reflector, I want to use a word that emphasizes to them that they are not a Generator. And that they live in a world of generators.
They don’t have energy to use in the same way that Generators do. They need to live and work differently.
I want them to see that they’ve been ‘different’ from the majority of people in a significant way for their entire life. And that this difference is important and something that they should pay attention to and learn to honour.
Usually, when I’m able to really convey this to one of these three “Freak” types (they aren’t really freaks, it’s just a teaching tool I use), they experience a tremendous amount of relief and release of energy. Sometimes they cry.
They spend at least weeks, sometimes months, wandering around the world seeing everything differently. It takes them awhile to digest this realization.
And then, the fun begins!
Once you realize that who you are has certain characteristics, and that those characteristics are not the norm, life gets interesting. You can then begin to approach things differently. You can take responsibility for your nature and really become it. You listen to and honour yourself.
I’ve been saying for years:
“Until you claim your gift, your gift is a problem.”
And similarly, I find that knowing your Human Design Type allows you to understand the nature of how you are designed. And how your being functions mechanically inside of the universe.
And then, you can more easily just be yourself.
You don’t look to the outside examples as something to emulate, because you understand that what they do, very likely won’t work for you, because they are wired differently than you are.
And this is what I’ve realized is a gift that I give to my clients.
And why, despite the fact that I am one of the 70% majority type, the Generator, the minority types are drawn to me.
I give them permission to do things in their way.
I give them permission to be themselves, in a way that they’ve never yet experienced.
I give them permission not to follow a 7-step success system.
They’ve already followed at least 5 of those, and each time, they found it nearly impossible and incredibly suffocating to their inner being to try to execute it.
They are so wary of another ‘just do it this way’ approach.
They desperately NEED some custom attention, yesterday.
They need it now. And they also need support. They need to talk about what they are up to, and to connect in order to get clear.
And that’s what we do. And it’s amazing.
In closing, I would like to rant for a moment…
I am so sick of the conversation among Transformational Leaders and On-line Marketers:
“How can we increase conversion?”
I’ve been to so many events where on-line marketers and amazing people geek-out over the latest realization of x, y, z technique or technology that they discovered increases their conversion of leads into prospective clients into buyers.
This conversation has always bugged me at best…but now, it actually makes me sick. I recently attempted to take a course on creating a webinar that was filled with this type of conversation and I felt like I was being sucked dry of my life-force.
I began to feel depressed. It was a horrible few days.
Now I realize, that I just don’t resonate with that whole approach. I don’t want to increase my conversion.
I want to increase my alignment, with myself.
I want to be so me, that I can express that clearly. I want to understand my USE. I want to align myself with how I can be useful to others.
And then, I want to share ME in a way that is USEFUL to the people who resonate with it.
Trying to market to get clients actually makes me sad.
It makes me sad because so often I see that Transformational Leaders are wildly, unbelievably confused about how to articulate what they do in a way that people will resonate with it.
They are trying to pretzel themselves into a compelling message.
They are looking for the holy grail of the best words that they can write to “get” people. They are ‘trying’ to ‘get’ clients and so they are looking for the right words to get them.
This is what most marketing is about…and it actually does work. You CAN craft a compelling message that will ‘get’ clients.
The trouble is, there is a tremendous sacrifice that can (and likely will) take place in that process:
Your Genius and the flow of your natural, innate creativity get swept to the sidelines.
When this happens, all of your marketing and sales, is leading prospective clients down a path to ‘get’ something from you that isn’t actually true to your most potent, in-your-genius, USE.
It may be mostly your genius, and it may even be exactly your genius, but because people bought into it due to words that weren’t in full alignment with your genius and for reasons that aren’t fully true to your best and highest USE, you will now be stuck delivering a less than 100% expression of you.
And that, in my opinion, sucks big-time.
It sucks SO MUCH.
In my world it sucks the most that anything can suck.
You won’t be able to be who you really are. You’ll be trapped by a level of pretense, however subtle, that is silently stifling you.
The money you do make won’t be intensely fulfilling and at worse, you’ll get disgruntled clients who complain, are high-maintenance and ask for refunds.
And all the while, you will FEEL it. You’ll know that you said tiny lies right from the beginning.
You’ll know that your “Stunning Success System” was a veneer of off-ness over a pure diamond. And you’ll wish that you had just shared the quiet, pure voice of that diamond instead.
You’ll wish you were unfiltered.
You’ll wish you’d been honest. With yourself first, and then with them, about who and what you really are.
You’ll wish that you had converted fewer clients.
You’ll wish that you only worked with the right ones, the ones who loved you As-Is and found you tremendously useful As-Is.
That’s what you’ll wish.
So if I can save you now, let me take your shoulders with both hands and say:
“For the Love of God and All things Sacred, Please Stop Trying to Get Clients”.
‘Trying’ is a waste of time.
And ‘Getting’ is a nasty agenda-filled feeling that’s icky.
Instead, how can you more clearly express YOU and your USE?
Let’s have THAT conversation, shall we?
I help Type A Hippies to get into flow in all three realms of Love, Sex and Genius.
1) Take the Flow Archetype Quiz to discover how you flow, get your customized Flow Diagnosis and receive occasional emails from me. Click here.
2) Book an Intimate 1-1 Human Design Reading. Learning about your human design chart will help you make empowered daily choices about how to use your time, money and energy...opening up much more flow and ease. Click here to read about it and book.
3) I lead an weekly Zoom circle every Sunday called the Flow Catalyst, for Type A Hippies who want to master the flow in the realms of Love, Sex and Genius. It's a really special, high-touch group. You can come and go week by week as suits your life. Participation is by donation. To read about it and sign-up to receive call reminders .
Dearest Karen, You know I love working with you because of the personal attention you give that many others promise to do but in reality dont give!!! Will it surprise you that so many people when they are off-stage, dont even care to look into the eyes of the course participants?
Yes I do desperately need some customized attention. I was afraid before I started if it was VALIDATION I was searching ? Time will show. I like what you said “I want to increase my alignemnt with myself” I want that too….. Yes, what is true love and Yes what is true honesty? And what is it to be truly authentic? It hit me really hard when you told me that my genius “to cut through bull shit” was interesting and I would find many interested to follow what I say, but whether they would actually pay to work with me still remains the question. And becuase I am not completetly dependent on the income I get from coaching others, this thing that you pointed out to me gives me a freedom that I have never felt before. For that I am grateful.
Thank you for agreeing to help me with my message and my song
That was awesome Karen!! I am sooo honored and relieved to be one of the “freaks”!!